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I'm so cool. [22 Jan 2004|05:26pm]
[ mood | dorky ]

I'm making a statement with pink font. Die trend of depression! Urgh, why do people think it's cool and a trend to be depressed? Brie and I were going to burn trends, but then burning trends might turn into a trend, and then we would have to burn ourselves. Er...yeah, we're freaks. BUT WE STILL LOVE EACH OTHER. ...Anywho, the statement thing...ha, you have to stand out every once in a while, you know.

(lol...My "statement" is so dorky...but it's subtle so people won't get mad if I get anymore specific...)

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I feel like shit. [15 Jan 2004|02:12pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

The Luna Lovegood essay thing, they redid the semi-finals (the school one) of it because a lot of people were absent. (Flu season and all.)

So I had to read it again, but in front of different judges.

And I've been denied the chance to represent my school in the finals.

Maybe it's the fact that it was only supposed to be four hundred words...I HAD THAT! Plus an extra frigging 1,000.

They were so fucking rude too. I was two paragraphs away from finishing and they suddenly started clapping, I wanted to lunge at them, but had to stick with saying "I'm not done." It was so embarrassing, everyone was watching.

When I went skating on Tuesday, my teacher video taped the whole thing...and we watched the movie on Wednesday, and I just realized how beastily ugly I look.

This all happened yesterday, but I was too lazy and busy-feeling-like-shit to type this yesterday.

And judges: fuck you.

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My tunge ith num. [04 Jan 2004|06:28pm]
[ mood | numb ]

I juth came back from the dentith and I can't feel my tunge. I was curthing at the dentith after my apointment wath over and my curth worths thounded like thith:

bith, thit, bathard, crop

Yea...you can figure out those worths...

I CAN'T THAY ANYTHING!!

Translation:

I just came back from the dentist and I can't feel my tongue. I was cursing at the dentist after my appoointment was over and my curse words sounded like this:

bitch, shit, bastard, crap

Yeah...you can figure out those words

I CAN'T SAY ANYTHING!!

*cough* That's how badly my seemingly fat and numb tongue is affecting me...

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Quack [01 Jan 2004|05:26pm]
[ mood | shocked ]

Gah...I do not get how popularity works. On the boards, being in love with Justin Timberlake would make you well...a loser...and a "prep" as these stereotypers...um...stereotype. But then, at my school, having an infatuation with Justin Timberlake is what makes you popular, apparently, what's "in." Scary...isn't it?

I shall now compare the Harry Potter boards and ny school.

Harry Potter boards: swarming with fangirls.

My school: Even more fangirls

Harry Potter boards: Very few people who like N*sync (is that where the star goes?)

My schoool: Knowing the birthdate of everyone in this boy-band makes you extremely popular...I dunno why

Harry Potter boards: usually has good taste in music

My school: N*SYNC. DESTINY'S CHILD. BACKSTREET BOYS. Even my teacher likes Backstreet Boys and a Christina Aguilera song!

Harry Potter boards: you have the right to be yourself.

My school: You must either be a gangsta who likes rappers (hehe...which is funny), or a giggly slut... I'm the outcast...shame they don't have a category for me

Harry Potter boards: Great writes...some

My school: Writes with netspeak that doesn't even have a plot...even though they're not on the internet.

Harry Potter boards: ...I must bring up the music issue again.

My school: Likes music that talks about a twelve year old having a baby...

More comparing later...too tired.

5 comments|post comment

Whoo! [31 Dec 2003|06:31pm]
[ mood | amused ]

I have an incredibly sexy layout...

The scrollbar is colorfully amusing...why, I don't know...for I am easily amused...

But the background needs to be a wittle smaller Brie.

I need to change my "Mood" things...I'll experiment with them

Yes...of course Brie made the layout...you think I could do this?!

5 comments|post comment

Cahoots reek. [30 Dec 2003|09:37pm]
[ mood | tired ]

Oh yes they do.

Yeah I feel bad about blurting this on a Live Journal but I can't get this off my mind and hey - that's why Live Journals are for.

Well if you know me on MSN...you know I tend to be, er - immature. That's the understatement of the year. Well I get another email and then team up with Miss Brie to scare the crap out of people...mainly Jess, because she's easy to scare. The other people I just confuse. I got this idea from Brie who did this to me on AOL Instant Messenger. But I twisted it around more. Like Brie would get on my MSN email and pretend to be me while I be me, just on another email, and say weird things and creep people out...then they would have to guess what was my idenity.

As Jess tells it, she and Rin tried to get revenge. First, Jess just acted creepy on her regular MSN email...really creepy. It was a one-time deal I presumed. Then these two people with these emails: the_hole_in_my_socko and the_hole_in_my_sock added me and they invited me to this convo and they seemed to have multiple personalities. They freaked me out. I guessed they were Brie and Rin...but they didn't tell me their idenities.

I began figuring it out though. I found a lot of evidence to guess that one of them were Jess again. The other person: I was iffy that it was Rin. Mainly because Jess said the word "cahoots" earlier on and then the person who added me said "cahoots" again...and it was about Rin and stuff. I wasn't so sure about Rin though, not that sure, because she wasn't as obvious as Jess.

I told Brie about the convo...and we tried to be detectives. I cornered down Jess and she admitted that it was her and Rin. I was so furious. But still, since of the tricks and all, I didn't really believe it was Rin...I dunno why. I joked around about going to get revenge but I really didn't have a plan. At all. I thought nothing of it.

But then today Brie told me that it really was Jess and Rin because they supposedly wanted Brie and Kelly to join them in killing me and making me shit my pants. Then we started to plot against them. I am really tired so I'll just list it out of what happened next.

1. Brie and I got on Rin's and Jess's sock and socko email and discussed our plans further on there.

2. We decided to freak out Rin and Jess by adding them on their own emails and switching personalities and crap...almost like what they did to me.

3. We got a third person in on it, who was Chrissy, even though I don't know jack about her, don't know her really well, and as I recalled last time we tangoed, she didn't really like me much...I made an email for Chrissy anyways which was the_hole_in_my_socky.

4. We waited for Kelly, Jess, and Rin to get on.

5. Brie IMed Rin and Rin figured it out.

6. Rin's pissed at Brie and I think she's pissed at me...but I should deserve all of the blame since I started the whole thing...okay audience, you may now nod in agreement

7. Rin thought I was the_hole_in_my_socky. I made the email, but it wasn't me. Why did she think that? Because when Chrissy got on the socky email, she put her MSN name as "Riley." I was confused about that and asked her. But Chrissy acted like she didn't know it said "Riley" for her MSN name. I think she was trying to frame me or something...but I dunno.

8. Yelling. Blaming. Yeah...and now I'm here typing this.

Rin: I ask you to take your anger out on me...blame me...then all would be good...I hope...and then we can live in cheesy harmony!!

Brie: Tell Rin to blame me!! I wouldn't hold it against you if you did, for it was purely my fault...BLAME ME DAMN YOU! ...lol

3 comments|post comment

I. Have. Problems. [29 Dec 2003|02:55pm]
[ mood | hyper ]

DisorderRating
Paranoid:Very High
Schizoid:High
Schizotypal:Very High
Antisocial:High
Borderline:Very High
Histrionic:Very High
Narcissistic:High
Avoidant:Very High
Dependent:Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive:High

-- Personality Disorder Test - Take It! --



It's not even funny - except for the fact that I now see myself in ten years in a large padded room. Mumbling things that do not make sense at all. In a straitjacket. *cough*
5 comments|post comment

I'm hyper on caffine [27 Dec 2003|07:15pm]
[ mood | bitchy ]

Ahh! I found a community on live journal today...of...EVANESCENCE HATERS!!

*dies*

But it's fun bitching them out. They're so immature. They hate Evanescence for their style and many of them never even bought the CD. They're the opposite of fangirls and yet at the same time, they are the exact same as fangirls. Because they're following the trend of hating/depising a band because of the hate trend and the style, while fangirls are "obsessors" (pfft) of the band because of their style and the trend...argh.

If I find anyone that is on my buddy list a member of that community...*terminator mode*

1 comment|post comment

Anne Rice kicks arse. [27 Dec 2003|04:15pm]
[ mood | enthralled ]

I don't know if I mentioned this before and I'm too lazy and enthralled in this book to check. One of the twenty two books I borrowed from the library was Queen of the Damned by Anne Rice. I've been hearing some fantabulous things about Anne Rice and I found this book in the Young Adults section (no it doesn't have porn in it...ew! I thought you know me better than that...because of use of language and such) of the library poking out. It's a dark and yet wonderful book.

And quite amusing, with a vain vampire that talks about him liking to be in first person in the first Prologue-y part of it. Hee...I'm hardly one fourth of the way through it. Now I'm going to try to find Interview with the Vampire and the book before this one which I forgot the title of.

This book blew me away. If you ask about it and what it's about and such, I'll tell you a little about it, then peer pressure you to buy the books or check them out from the library...BOOK DISCUSSION! Like the one I had with Jessie/Leapfroggy/Alise/Idenity Crisis Person with The Giver! I'll take a break from it...eventually to work on the layout of this Live Journal.

I want to see the movie for it now...but I have a feeling Lestat will scare me.

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Sexy form thinger [26 Dec 2003|05:42pm]
[ mood | rushed ]

I stole this out of Rin's live journal...fill it out men!

1. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
2. Am I loveable?
3. How long have you known me?
4. When and how did we first meet?
5. What was your first impression?
6. Do you still think that way about me now?
7. What do you think my weakness is?
8. Do you think I'll get married?
9. What makes me happy?
10. What makes me sad?
11. What reminds you of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do you know me?
14. When's the last time you saw me?
15. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
16. Do you think I could kill someone?
17. Describe me in one word.
18. Do you think our friendship is getting stronger/weaker/or staying the same?
19. Do you feel that you could talk to me about anything and I would listen?
20. Are you going to put this on your LiveJournal and see what I say about you?

5 comments|post comment

I think I will crack when it comes to books. [26 Dec 2003|04:53pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

Seriously, though.

I think it was out of spite that I went to the library today and checked out, 1, 2, 3, - 22 books. You might ask how. Well, we have this system in my school, and when it comes to reading, it's like a competition. I'm in second place. Guess who is in first place? If you can't guess, tsk tsk you, you haven't been reading my ranting!!

I used to be first place when it came to reading in my school - but then it got stolen away from me several times. Now I'm determined to steal it back and keep my place. I sound like such a bitch. The girl that is currently in first place when it comes to reading didn't suddenly borrow twenty two books from the library one day. She paced herself. And here I am, the diabolical bitch - next to Miss Brie of course - rushing my skills to try to read all these books before winter break is over and I go back to that horrid hell we call school.

I felt so left out - everyone was going to the Lord of the Rings movies and saying how the third movie, Return of the King, rocked. I have never read a book in the Lord of the Rings series or saw a movie made from them. I guess it never sparked my interest. I tried to read the Two Towers a year ago since I couldn't find the Fellowship of the Ring, but since I had no fucking clue what was going on and it bored me, I gave up without the first ten pages.

But I have decided to take the challenge again. One of the twenty two books I checked out from the library is The Fellowship of the Rings and I will read it - eventually. Right now I'm reading The Slippery Slope from The Series of Unfortunate Events for fun...hee, this is such an amusing series.

Erm...yes, that's my unholy story. So if you instant message me on AOL Instant Messenger or MSN...don't expect a fast chat, more of a slow one, where if you turn on Audio with me, you hear the flapping of pages.

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I don't recommend reading the below. [25 Dec 2003|11:13am]
[ mood | indescribable ]

If you are reading this sentence, I'm asking you to please stop.

I have tried my best, but I can't get rid of the cynical-ness that's running through my emotions. I'm not posting this to finally get comments. Just to get things off my chest and hopefully feel better. I tried to feel and stay chipper, mind you, but it's like events that happened through the two days I wasn't online at all were trying to get me into this depression. It's quite the conspiracy but I have gotten used to it for years, up to the past couple days. It's like my world's falling down.

I'm even having hurting-myself thoughts. I got this nifty beading yarn thinger for Christmas and there was a large plastic needle that went with it. I was playing with the plastic needle and it was like I was trying to hurt myself. The feeling of the unusual needle gliding across the portion of my skin was...indescribable. Then, out of the blue, a voice inside my head asked me what if that was a real needle?

This scared me.

I didn't start to have scary suicidal thoughts after this, like slitting-wrists sort of deal. But, my thoughts were on the line of being suicidal...or, they were suicidal, but I just told myself that they weren't to make myself feel better. I had this thought as I went to sleep last night. Quite a time ago, my parents told me about an incident that happened when I was barely nine months old. I was bitten by a mosquito, not a regular mosquito though, one that I think injected some kind of poison into me. This was how my parents described it. Well, my mother said that one of her neighbors had a three year old daughter that was bitten by that sort of particular mosquito. You might be wondering what the hell does this have to do with suicidal thought.

If you have made it to this sentence, stop...

Well, like a fool, the three year old's mother and father treated her at home and didn't take her to the hospital. By the time the mother and father rushed her to the hospital, it was too late. Now my mother said that I was rushed to the hospital immediately, and obviously, I was treated and came back to health. If I wasn't, I wouldn't be typing this. That was what struck me when I went to sleep. What if my mother and father were too careless to take me to the hospital until the last minute like the other couple? There was a good chance I would have died. But what if I did? Living right now, did I change anyone's life? Would it even make a difference at all? Sure, people wouldn't have met me...and don't overreact if you are reading this even when I asked nicely. It's like - it doesn't matter if I lived or died, since people won't be mourning over my death if they didn't even know I existed. But then, I think of my parents. These thoughts are scaring me. They're not suicidal per say, but they're deep and heading into that direction in my opinion.

Life reeks, doesn't it. 

Well not for a certain person who has everything in  my class. Everyone loves her. (Exception of me but I have to make my acting skills better...*cough*) Everyone wants to be her. This lyric from an Evanescence song runs through my head whenever I think of her....

Look, here she comes now...

Bow down and stare in wonder.

Oh, how we love you...

No flaws when you're pretending.   

My own parents say she has looks and she's lovely. She has perfect grades. She flaunts without meaning to. The only real titles I have in my class is for writing, (which isn't much anyways) and my "artistic skills." (If you would call them that.) She might as well just take away my titles because it's no use. Those of you that have heard about my best friend situation, for all you know, this might be the same girl.

She has this power that makes me think I'm ugly and talentless.

As you can see, my depression is an unholy pit that's dragging me to it's depths of hell.

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I fell on my bum yesterday! [22 Dec 2003|10:19am]
[ mood | depressed ]

I was too lazy to make this an entry yesterday, so....

Yesterday I went out to ice-skate. I can't say it was fun per say...more like, slippery and painful. I fell on my bum two times. I think my arse is still sore from the experience. Well it was still a lot of fun. I wore my special Santa hat and had to rent three pairs of ice-skates before I could find ones that actually fit! It was quite painful trying on the first pair which were way too small.

It's more different than hockey, hockey has those nice thingers that balance you out. With ice-skating, the only thing that is there to balance you is the rail and yourself. Oh Daniel's hair, I saw the most amazing thing while I was ice-skating. When I went to take a rest on a bench, I was just adjusting myself to the ice-skates when I heard whistles and "Whoops!"

In the middle of the arena, I saw this man and woman. I thought they were professional skaters or something that were going to do some tricks. But I was way off that prediction. The guy was proposing to her. The diamond glinted in the sun and they hugged and kissed...it was so heartwarming. It was indescribable. I wonder if that woman is going to be me in a few years... Pssssh, like anyone would want to propose to me. I have no social skills so I live under a rock anyways.

The whole ice-skating incident enchanted me. How that guy would take her to the middle of the arena and then just get down on one knee and propose to her, just like that. I guess that four letter word can overcome many, many things.

2 comments|post comment

Boom Shacka Lacka [20 Dec 2003|11:47am]
[ mood | hungry ]

Two weeks of winter break!

I feel so happy and giggly. Ahh, yesterday I got the most dahlin presents in the world. I feel so loved. By my hunger is overpowering my lovedness. *waits for the mom to come home with McDonalds* Guess what I got? *answers without anyone guessing* The most dahlin (whee, I love that word) jewerly box and the most gorgeous Christmas charm to go with it! Fine, I admit it, no one gave me the purdy eighteen dollar charm per say. I had to play white elephant to get it.

If you do not know how "White Elephant" works: You bring a gift all wrapped up so no one knows what exactly is inside. Then all the gifts brought by everyone are stacked in a big pile. You decide who goes first by picking sticks or whatever is needed. The first person can pick any gift in the pile but s/he cannot shake it to see what's inside. Then that person has to unwrap it and show everyone what they got. Let's say it was a CD player. It's the second person's turn to choose a gift. The second person's gift can steal the first person's gift or take it away from them. But then the first person gets another turn to pick another gift once again. Once a gift is stolen three times, it can't be stolen again. Let's say the CD Player was stolen another time, and then another. The person that has stolen the CD Player the third time gets to keep it without worrying that anyone would steal it. But if you steal a gift, you never know that there was a better gift in the pile of wrapped/mysterious presents.

Those are the basic rules and crap. It was so hilarious. My gift was a purse and one of my guy friends got it and no one stole it from him. He ended up giving the purdy purse to his teacher so that his teacher could give it to her niece. I ended up with the charm obviously. It's so beautiful. It came from Macy's and is eighteen dollars. It says "Noel" in realistic diamonds which is French for "Christmas." It has a stocking, a Christmas tree, a candy cane, and a snowman along with it. Must I say that it's so pretty once again? *audience shakes their heads* FINE THEN.

The jewerly/music box is my precious. *pets it* I obviously put the charm in it. It plays a beautiful tune if you wind it up and I never get tired of hearing it. I even put a fake flower in it to give it that oomph. There's even a mirror on the inside top. The jewerly box is a black with a couple of metallic red patterns. There are three small silver rainbowish butterflies on the top and there are three secret hiding spots. I put memorable things from my school year in one of the secret hiding spots. I need more jewerly to put it in my jewerly/music box.

I also got some other small things for Christmas gifts like this cute tiny gem embedded rose pin. That went in my jewerly/music box too.

I love my Christmas presents. They're not exactly Christmas gifts, they're gifts just before winter break from friends, but nevertheless.  I, myself, gave some presents too...I feel so good whenever I do. "Thank you, Riley."

I'm getting hungrier as I type this.

I'm still excited when I won the best essay out of my class. But then I'm even more anxious and nervous because then I move on to the semi-finals which is all the other essays that are the best out of all the other classes. I shall die if I make it to the finals and challenge other districts. I would seriously pass out since honestly, I don't think I have the talent to win. *sigh* I still think my teacher has made a terrible mistake picking me.

I'm now cold and hungry, a terrible mix.

I want my hot french-fries now.

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For Once: I'm Truly Happy [18 Dec 2003|08:03pm]
[ mood | chipper ]

I can't even describe how I'm feeling.

The Luna Lovegood essay I worked my arse off on: it was all worth it in the end. I got an A, apparently. One essay out of every classroom in my school gets to go into the next round. Where the essays from each classroom challenge each other. Then, the top essay in the whole school gets to challenge other districts. And I made it, I'm not a failure. And this girl in my class who is so disgustingly perfect, I always feel envious of her, it feels good to know she lost to me because after losing to her so many times, class president, etcetera. I feel so happy.

I don't have to go to Friday school. You might be wondering what the hell is "Friday school." Of course everyone has school on Friday. But if you have slipping/bad grades or have more than one missing assignment, you get to go to a party. Pfft, not. You have to stay at school for an extra seven hours to pick up your grades by doing extra credit or finish up your missing assignments. I don't have to go and am extremely chipper and pleased with myself. Also; when I came home...there was more cake.

 I wish I was happy like this every day.

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Ooompa Loompa < -- How short I feel [16 Dec 2003|06:37pm]
[ mood | stressed ]

First entry! I know you are so excited! *snort* Anywho, I feel so effing frustrated. Argh. Tomorrow I have an essay/entry on Luna Lovegood and there's big contest. My teacher is counting on me, he's all, "You're my ticket to winning this year." Like I have enough pressure. To top that, I have to present it tomorrow, but if I'm lucky, (which I have never experienced before...) I won't have to present it. I have been trying to memorize it and speak it out loud since I came home from damn school. Now my voice is sore and I sound sick. I am sure I will get a 0 for speaking clearly tomorrow now. School reeks. If my essay does turn out to be the best essay (which I highly doubt), that just means more pressure as I go in the next round. My teacher will be mighty disappointed when my essay turns out like shitty crap. Christmas is coming! I have found my missing Santa Claus sock. I'm going to make gingerbread houses soon. ^_^

I have been on such a sugar-high today. So much cake, and brownies. I feel so hyperactive. Sugar good. My leg has an attachment to being numb.

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